insane/unique/simplyME

Aug 27

At the groceries store

homicidalicecream:

calakazam:

toyota:

Me: can u give me x²+4y+ of tomatoes & 2(x²+8xy^3) of potatoes please

Seller: I dont understand

Me: well i dont give a fuck i didnt study in vain

those are polynomials you asked for a neverending curve of tomatoes

perririri

Aug 27

kaminmh:

meevierae-of-gallifrey:

the harry potter fandom actually has some of the weirdest crack pairings in fanfic I have ever seen like
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and my personal favourite

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"Dobby had always wanted clothes, but never like this."

Aug 26
deeplezstonerwitch:

The best thing about heteronormativity is that straight people make signs like these.

deeplezstonerwitch:

The best thing about heteronormativity is that straight people make signs like these.

what if a gay person made this sign just as an inside joke that straight people wont get
Aug 26
1-4m-5h3rl0ck3d:

urban-pooka:

mid2000snatalieportman:

pushinglackadaisies:

mewlymae:

#’whatever you find’ #that’s a pretty broad definition #i personally would not be satisfied if i found #say #an alligator in my partner’s pants#genitalia is cool #carnivorous reptiles are not.

is pansexuality not caring if you find an alligator

yes

If the alligator is limp, is it a reptile dysfunction?

we need to get outside
i never dont laugh at this
Aug 26
professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.

Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.

Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.

The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.

I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.

The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.

So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.

Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.

Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

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Aug 26

coolator:

beahbeah:

this website SAVED MY BRAIN when i was a stressed out college student. quite a few of you are still suffering through college so i hope this helps you too!! c:

how did you make it to college without being able to do the very simple math it takes to figure this out without using a website

Because you can get so stressed out that you don’t have time to sit there and figure out the weighted grade calculation for multiple classes.

Aug 25
thezefronposter:

effyeahfandoms:

tonystarktrek:

theangelshavetheearhat:

de4ctivate:

this might go over the heads of some of the kids on here. 

did you just

This is the greatest post I have ever seen because it is both a pun and a harsh truth.

IT’S TRANSPARENT

I showed this to my 11 year old brother and asked him if he knew what it was. He looked at it for a few seconds and said
"I dunno. a printer?"
a pRINTER

Do schools not have these anymore…?

thezefronposter:

effyeahfandoms:

tonystarktrek:

theangelshavetheearhat:

de4ctivate:

this might go over the heads of some of the kids on here. 

did you just

This is the greatest post I have ever seen because it is both a pun and a harsh truth.

IT’S TRANSPARENT

I showed this to my 11 year old brother and asked him if he knew what it was. He looked at it for a few seconds and said

"I dunno. a printer?"

a pRINTER

Do schools not have these anymore…?

Aug 25

I think I’m gonna start doing poetry to get all this emotion out. Or something.

Aug 24

shattersthemoon:

gnumblr:

death-limes:

buzzfeed:

These people are doin’ Halloween right. 

FRENCH KISS

FREUDIAN SLIP

I was the gender binary one year BUT NO ONE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY

Aug 24